Santa brought me a tummy bug...

   Things Santa could have left in the North Pole...
1)Toys with lots of parts and pieces that I will never find again
2)The 10 lbs I have gained this year
3)The Angry Bird that is stuck to my living room ceiling
4)Oh...and the nastiest stomach bug I have had in a very long time

   Bright and early on December 26th, I awoke to discover that I was about to vomit.  Not a vomit like I have plenty of time to get to the bathroom vomit, but a vomit right where you are sitting because you had no idea it was about to happen vomit.  I puked all over my Mother in law's guest bed that the children and I were sleeping in.  When I went to sleep just a hour or so before, I had no idea this was about to happen.  I had taken TUMS for some heart burn earlier, but nothing serious.  As I sat in a puddle of my own "sick", I realized quickly where this was headed.

    You see, once I start to puke, I rarely stop easily.  So for the next 12 hrs, I was violently ill multiple times an hour...to the point of begging for my mommy.  And then the other end started.  We all have been at this point before.  Head in a bucket so that your bottom can be on the toilet.  It is never a good place to be.  I tried sipping some water, and it would come right back up.  I knew I needed some help.  I needed IV fluids and antiemetics, STAT.  After 10 years together, Mike also knew where this was headed.  We were off to the ER.  We left the kids with his mother, and headed to a nearby hospital.

   We discovered quickly that you do not want to be in the ER the day after Christmas.  That place was packed.  I laid in the fetal position on a love seat for 2.5 hours with my head in a bucket just waiting to be seen.  I understand...traumas and chest pain come first, but man is it hard to be gracious when you can't stop retching, and the waiting room TV is stuck on Divorce Court.

   Once I made it to the room, they quickly fixed me up with an IV and some Zofran. Of course, it took me a little while to convince the doc that I wasn't hungover or pregnant, despite the fever and diarrhea.  Now I am no ER doc, but I am pretty sure those are not symptoms of either pregnancy or over indulgence in alcohol. I looked at the young little resident and said,  "I have been pregnant twice in my life.  This is not pregnancy nausea.  Morning sickness is more like, Oh I think I need to vomit.  I feel really nauseous.  Then you do, and then you think an hour later, maybe I should have a cookie."  His response..."So you are sure you are not pregnant??"  I again replied "Listen, I am an L&D nurse.  I know pregnancy if nothing else.  I have an IUD in place and I have no reason to believe it isn't functioning, but feel free to test me.  We all know that nothing is 100%. Any time you hang your pants on the bed post, you can get pregnant, but I doubt that is my problem. It rarely causes fevers or diarrhea."  The resident says "Well, did you drink too much yesterday??" For the love of God...Seriously??  Mental note to check if the hospital is a teaching hospital next time.
 
     Life was getting better, but I was still pretty miserable.  In fact, it took another dose of Zofran and another 2 liters of fluid before I was convinced that I wasn't going to die...OK, I am exaggerating. I just wanted to die, I didn't think it would actually kill me.  As I lay there staring at the wall, I see the Crucifix above the door.  I roll over to Mike and say

Me "Ok, call the nurse.  I think I know what I need."
Mike (patient, but exhausted from dealing with his ill and very needy wife) "Really? What do you want me to tell him"
Me  "We need two priests and a nun..."
Mike "Heidi, you aren't Catholic.  What do you want? Last Rites??"
Me "No, I think we need an exorcism. Obviously modern medicine isn't cutting it this time, we need to purge the demon in my digestive tract."
Mike (shaking his head) "You must be feeling better..."
Me "I am serious, a little prayer couldn't hurt."

   We were discharged shortly after my revelation, and now I will never know if it would have helped.  Of course, in the end, the Zofran and IV fluids helped tons.  However, I may never be able to eat gingerbread houses and Italian food again without thinking about this stomach bug.  And I hope his mother has had someone come in and terminally clean that bathroom upstairs.  When I decided that I needed to lose weight after Christmas, this was not what I planned...

Yep...that just happened

   As if every other day around here isn't a little crazy.  I tried to complete some errands and Christmas shop with both kids today.  I miss my stroller days.  Five point restraints are the best thing that happened to mothers everywhere.  Without my stroller, a tiny little dachshund sized shock collar would be my next best bet.  Molly never stops moving.  Ever. Period.  The child is enough to exhaust even a marathon runner (which I am not, I might add.)

   It all started with Colin's Christmas program at school.  Molly was simply not going to sit still.  It was painful.  I don't have a single video of them singing without Molly grabbing at my arm, begging to hold the camera, or simply attempting to sing along with them(which was actually pretty cute, if I hadn't been trying to keep her from running on stage the entire time.)  Parents watched me with a combination of sympathy and horror.  I hate that feeling.  That feeling like you have no idea what to do to make your own child stop doing what she is doing, and that you are at their complete mercy if you actually want to watch your other child sing.

   Of course, the nightmare did not end there.  I had to drive all the way to Buford to pick up my adorable, handmade owl hat that I had ordered for Molly.  It was going to take over an hour to get there.  Fabulous, but at least the DVD player can keep them entertained for a while in the car.  By the time we started to get close to our destination, Colin was asking if Molly's hat was in the "Lost City."  I have no idea exactly what he meant, so I simply agreed.  Then Molly asked where the "Lost City" was??  I replied that it must be in Canada :)  No offense intended for my friends that live out in that direction.  I live pretty far out in the suburbs as well, just the other direction.  So when you put those together, it makes for a very long drive.  I was meeting the girl who made the hat at a Hobby Lobby.  As we enter the store, I know I am in for it.  Right at the front of the store is a display of both Angry Birds and Hello Kitty.  Me being the sucker that I am left with both a new bird and a ballerina Hello Kitty.  It was as if the store knew my kids were coming, and set up those shelves just for us. Kryptonite.  Outside of the extra $20 bucks I spent, my mission was at least complete.  I left with a false sense of security that led me to believe that I could attempt some further Christmas shopping.

    Mike wants a treadmill or an elliptical for Christmas, so I decided to hit Play it Again Sports as my next stop.  By the time we got back to my side of town, it was already 4 pm.  Barrett Parkway was a mess.  It took me 20 minutes just to get a couple of miles.  We head into the store, and I can tell already this was a horrible plan.  Both kids light up at the sight of all of the shiny things that they shouldn't touch.  Treadmills, ellipticals, free weights, golf clubs...you name it.  Tons of things that could cause massive injury and destruction.  I am just price checking at this point, and despite the fact that I have two toddlers of destruction with me, this guy makes it his mission to sell me a treadmill, and tell me all about the quality of each one.  How can he not tell that I need the abbreviated version??  He even offered to turn on a couple of the treadmills and let the kids run on them.  Yeah...that is an awesome idea.  Just what every mommy needs.  Her kid to faceplant and require stitches or dental work.  I shook my head to his offer, while holding Molly under my arm, flailing limbs everywhere.  I finally put her down, and she seemed highly entertained by a putting green nearby.  She and Colin are putting golf balls in the hole, and seem OK for few.  I continue to clarify a few things about the treadmills they did have for sale since they seem occupied.  And then it happened.  I looked over just in time to see Molly struggling to pull down her pants.  We are already at half mast when I am able to reach her.  I don't know if she was planning to drop trow and pee on the putting green, or if she just thought she needed a little air.  Who knows with this little one??  I tackle her, pull up her pants, and ask directions to the nearest bathroom.

    So I think it goes without saying that the remainder of my Christmas shopping will be done online or sans kids.  I think the fact that I am sipping spiced sangria while writing this post should also not need any further explanation.  Molly is trying to steal my drink while I type.  Does it make me a bad parent for almost letting her have it?? Maybe she would sleep a little better? Maybe it would slow her down?? Of course, she would probably be a mean drunk.  Nobody needs that.  Oh, and did I mention??  She seems to have lost her pajama pants already.

The legend of Naked Bear continues...

   At the ripe age of 3.5y/o, Molly continues to misplace her clothing.  I really thought we would have outgrown this phase by now, but the nakedness continues.  Not only does she continue to strip in her bed, she feels the need to come into my room to wake me, and inform me that she is cold.  It always starts with that little "non whisper" of a toddler at the edge of my bed.  "Mommy...Mommy, wake up.  I cold."  I crack my eyelids just enough to squint in her general direction.  And sure enough, there she is, naked as a jaybird, attempting to climb into bed with me.  She always repeats, "Hey, Mommy.  I cold.  I sleep with you."  My question..."Where are your pajamas Molly?"  Her consistent response, to look down at her body, and realize that she is naked.  And then she says with sincere shock..."Oh...I no know Mommy.  I need a blanket.  Help me up."

      While I can appreciate getting hot in the middle of the night and stripping, I certainly did enough of that during pregnancy and nursing, I am left to wonder, how long can she actually continue to be surprised.  And also, when is she going to learn to keep the jammies close by??  I mean, she takes them off easily enough, she must be able to put them back on.  Of course, why limit the random stripping to bed time??

     She frequently runs into the room I am in, and has lost her clothes from the waist down.  Now, I know how this one usually happens.  Like so many toddlers, Molly feels the need to take all of her clothes off from the waist down to use the bathroom.  Sadly, she rarely feels the needs to put them back on before rejoining the rest of the household.  I have waited for as long as two hours before I have asked about her missing pants.  I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.  Just give her enough time to realize that she was in a bit of an "al fresco" situation.  Nothing...nada.  In fact, I asked her if she wanted to go outside and play, and she agreed.  Even without her pants.  She pranced right onto our front porch, naked from the waist down.  I, of course, quickly pointed out her infraction, and she again seemed surprised.  She also promptly accused me of not getting her dressed.  Go figure...

    So it shouldn't surprise me at all that she has started to get lazy in public places. Like preschool for instance.  Her teacher reported that she was so anxious to get back to story time, that she came out to the circle with her pants around her ankles.  Leave it to my daughter to flash the whole classroom, oblivious to her classmates and teachers.  Today, I looked over just in time to see her struggling to get out of her pants in the middle of Monkey Joes.  We had full cheek exposure before I could stop her.  I asked her if she needed to go potty.  Her response "Oh...yes mommy, I need to go peepee."  Me "Why didn't you go to the bathroom first Molly??"  Molly "Oh, I no know Mommy..."  Really??  The girl is pretty bright...I mean, I know I am partial and all, but this seems like such a simple thing.  Perhaps she has no modesty??  Maybe she really is oblivious??  I know she lives in "Molly World" most of the time.  Maybe "Molly World" is a lot like one of those Hedonism resorts...Anyway.  I guess I just continue to redress the girl, correct the inappropriate behavior, and move on.  As for the bed time nakedness, I may just pick my battles.  I mean, lots of people sleep in the buff, right??  It might make for some slightly awkward Christmas morning pictures...

  PS...I just walked by her room, and her jammies are wadded up on the floor.  The child is naked again.  Maybe I should just turn the heat up to try to keep her warm enough? Of course, then I might feel the need to strip in the middle of the night.  I wonder where she gets these crazy ideas?

I just stopped my daughter from putting the cat in the trashcan...

  On this, the 36th anniversary of my birth, I am reminded of our mortality.  My grandfather took his final breath last night before leaving this world.  It is sad day for all of us.  He will be greatly missed.  It seems so strange.  After 93 years, he has gone on to better place where his body is no longer failing his mind like it was here on Earth.  And while this death is neither shocking nor unexpected, he will be mourned.  Of course, he also had a decent sense of humor, so I think he will forgive the fact that I also have a funny Molly story to share.  Thank God for children.  They can make us smile even on a bad day.

   While sitting at my computer, checking Facebook, I realize the children are running around the house like, well...like their mother may have let them have ice cream for lunch...What can I say??  I am a sucker, it's my birthday, and I am having kind of a crappy day.  Ice cream for lunch sounded like a good plan, at the time...

  I glance over into the kitchen, because I hear the sound of furniture or something heavy being moved around.  I discover Molly, pushing the kitchen trashcan into the living room.  Seems odd enough.  Definitely sparks some concern and curiosity.  Why??  Why the trashcan??  Why does she need to move the trashcan??  As she slows to a stop, I hear her trot off to another room.  She is calling for someone.  And then I realize what she is trying to do...at least I thought I did.  She is calling for Jerry, our old, decrepit cat.  I see her reenter the living room, carrying the cat triumphantly in her arms.  She looks at me and says, "Look Mommy, I caught Jerry."

    I am still unsure of why the trashcan needed to be moved until I hear it...The sound any cat makes when it is being forced into a box, carrier, or in this case, our kitchen trashcan.  As I scold my daughter and rescue our cat, I have to laugh as I am reminded that I may never completely understand what my daughter is thinking.  Poor cat.  Glad I was able to intervene before any blood was shed by either party involved.  At least it made me smile on relatively sad day.  RIP in Nant...I hope there is bowling in heaven :)  Say hi to Mommy and and Memaw for me.  It should be quite the family reunion up there today.  Till we meet again.