Mommy+Coffee=Survival: December 2013

So, as my belly continues to expand, my wardrobe continues to shrink, in both quantity and actual size. Some of my maternity shirts are even getting too short. It is a pet peeve of mine to wear your shirts too short, pregnant or otherwise, so it is really starting to annoy me. This morning, I had Molly's Christmas party at school. I was a party mom, so I was looking for something at least mildly festive. I had a fuzzy red sweater left over from one of the other pregnancies. I put it on, and it was just a little too short. I put on one of my maternity tanks underneath to try and buy at least one more wear out of the sweater. I stood in front of the hubby, and asked him what he thought. The conversation went something like this...

Me "So, does this look OK? Is it too short to wear?"
Mike "I think it is fine with the shirt underneath...(goes back to reading news on his phone)"
Me (Continuing to stare at my belly and analyze) "I think you are right, but...I think I will have to wear something else. This is going to drive me nuts."
Mike "I understand. I have things that bug me too. I can't leave the house without a belt."
Me (changing clothes, muttering under my breath) "Stupid sweater..."
Mike "I am not sure that this is the sweater's fault. That is a rather sizable belly you are trying to cover over there..."
Me (giving husband death stare) "How did you miss etiquette 101 for talking to your pregnant wife?"
Mike "I'm just sayin..."

In order to salvage my self esteem, I pulled out my outfit from my shower that makes me feel sassy. The shirt is red. Wine red, but still red. It could be considered festive. But even more importantly, it covers my whole belly. I grabbed my new black boots, and zipped them up over my skinny jeans. Mike notices the boots...

Mike "You are going to wear the dominatrix boots to a preschool party??"
Me "Boots are totally in right now. They only become dominatrix boots when paired with a corset and you forget your pants. Since I am doing neither of these things, I think we will be just fine."
Mike "Alright..." (shaking his head)

Men...can't live with them, can't kick them in the head with your boots even if you really want too.

Where do I even begin?? It has been weeks since my last post. I must admit, when I finally have a moment to sit still, sleep has been winning as my favorite activity. I just keep thinking to 8 weeks from now, when sleep will be a distant memory. The pregnancy has been cruising along. So far, so good. No major complications or bedrest. Yay for a relatively normal pregnancy! I have been pleasantly surprised. The horrific reflux is seemingly under control, and my delivery date is fast approaching. Holy Crap!!! I am going to have another little human cut out of me. Wow, just wow...

My incredible friends staged an awesome surprise baby shower for me a few weeks ago. I am still impressed that they managed to pull it off. One of the bonuses of being pregnant with your third. You are truly, totally oblivious, and things are actually surprises. I thought I was headed out for an evening of cocktails with the girls. I bought myself the sassiest maternity outfit I could find, cleaned out the mini van, and even stopped for cash for the valet. I was late, of course, only to discover it was for my own baby shower. Well played ladies, well played...

Also a bonus of being pretty pregnant at the holidays...everyone comes to you. I wound up hosting Thanksgiving for 14 at my house. I have never been the actual hostess for a big holiday. I actually had a lot of fun trying to get everything together. Almost every year, we wind up driving to see someone. We go to the holidays, they rarely come to us. I wondered at what point Mike and I became "adult enough" to host a holiday. I guess it is with the third child. I managed to pull off a Thanksgiving dinner, complete with a chocolate souffle, and the only things that flopped were the frozen pies I picked up as an after thought. Mike and his sister Maureen ran a half marathon before the cooking even began, and my brother and his family were able to join us as well. A fun time filled with family, and tons of cousin play time.

In the mean time, I have had a birthday. I turned 37 on the 4th of December. I have no idea why, but this one actually bothered me. 30 came and went without much fanfare. 35 snuck by under the radar...37 hurt. I have no good explanation. I officially feel old now. My super awesome family treated me like a queen on my birthday though. Mike took the day off, and handled all of the school pick ups and drop offs. I was served breakfast and coffee in bed. Of course, a very cute, naked, bacon thief joined me, and stole my breakfast. Thank goodness she is so adorable. She hopped into bed, and said "OOooooo, Mommy. Whatcha eating? What is the brown stuff?" When I told her it was bacon, she quickly stole a piece and stole my fork and my remaining eggs. I am amazed that I have gained any weight at all since the children were born. I can safely say I have yet to finish a meal or a snack on my own while they are around. After my breakfast, I was sent to a spa around the corner for a massage. Sadly, I don't think prenatal massage is their specialty. After scaring away three people, the manager finally agreed to give me a massage. I am not sure if it was because she spoke the most English, or because she was the least intimidated by my pregnant belly. I giggled as we discussed what baby it was for me. She was shocked that it was the third, and she was very concerned that I was taking care of the other two while I was pregnant. She says, "Oh, you must be very tired..." Yes lady, that is why I am here. Let's get this massage started.

I figured at that point, why not just blow her mind. Then I told her I was labor and delivery nurse as well. I think she nearly fell over. I was then lectured that being on my feet for that long could not possibly be good for the baby. I simply told her, "Oddly enough, no one at the hospital seems to feel that way..." Of course, neither do I. I walk a fine line of being flattered when people want to help me do things, and being slightly offended that people think I can't or shouldn't be doing things. Hard to strike the appropriate balance of needing help lifting heavy things, and making sure people know that I am not broken or sick, just pregnant. I left the massage place, stopped to have a mani/pedi, and finally returned home feeling pampered and relaxed, only to discover that our 20 y/o TV in our bedroom had been replaced by a flat screen. Yay for birthdays!! Even if I am feeling old...

And tis the season for Baby Jesus comments. We all know that 4 and 5 year olds have a slightly different view of the world, and that they can be shockingly honest at times. So here are a few of the winners from the last week or so.

Molly, calling out from the bathroom...(She has been told to call for help after she poops. After realizing she was unable to wipe effectively, I have told her to call me)

Molly "Mommy!! Mommy!! Come look at my poop."
Me "Yes Molly, how can I help you?"
Molly "Look at my poop Mommy, it looks like the Baby Jesus!"
Me "Ummm, OK. Molly, that is probably not a very nice thing to say. I am almost certain that the Baby Jesus would not like to be compared to poop..."
Molly "But it does look like Jesus..." (pouting and walking away)

This morning, while playing with the little people Nativity set...
Colin "Hey Mommy...Baby Jesus is hiding."
Me "OK, why is he hiding?"
Molly "Because Baby Jesus loves pirates, so he needs to hide."
Me "Pirates, huh? Well Baby Jesus loves everyone, so I guess that would be true as well."
Colin "And he loves community helpers like fire fighters and policemen."
Me "Very true, little dude, very true."

Also this morning, when I realize Baby Jesus is all alone, without a single wise man or Mary in sight...
Me "Hey guys, where are the rest of the friends for Baby Jesus?"
Colin "They are all hiding because it is his birthday."
Me "Well...can we try to find all of them...I would love for your baby brother to know that there were three Wise Men, not just one, and that Mary was not a single mother..."
Mike "Why the big fuss?? We will find them eventually."
Me "Baby Jesus is all alone in the manger, with no one to help him."
Mike "And...I think he is going to be OK. Something tells me he has someone watching over him."
Me "Yeah...Well he was still a baby. He is still going to get hungry and crap his pants. He needs his mommy around, even if he was the Messiah."
Mike "This is how I know we are so different..." (shaking his head, as he walked away)

Call me crazy...Here are a few pics from the last two months

Surprise Baby Shower

All dressed up for cocktails. You can't tell, but I am even wearing skinny jeans and knee high leather boots. Probably the only time you will find me in skinny jeans since it is the only time it is considered cute to have a big belly hanging over the top of said jeans...