Mommy needs a time out...

   Today, my fabulous friend Anne came over to clean.  For a few brief hours, before the children destroy all of her hard work, I have a few blissful moments of a clean, fresh smelling home.  While she was cleaning, I took the kids to Monkey Joes.  We enjoyed a horrible lunch of nachos with gelatinous cheese and a soft pretzel.  The children played, mommy played Scramble with Friends.  A good/mediocre time was had by all.  At least until I realized that Molly had been inside the obstacle course way too long.  Upon climbing inside, I discovered she had indeed pooped in her underwear...yet again.  I refuse to let this get me down.  I pull her to the bathroom, change her clothes, throw the dirty clothes in a biohazard bag, and beg her to at least pee on the potty.  She refuses, multiple times.  I hold my ground, and insist on her at least attempting to pee before we go back out to play.  In the mean time, Colin climbs under the stall.  No doubt he was wondering what had happened to both of us.  Out of desperation, I ask Colin to show his sister how to go pee pee in the big potty like a big kid.  As he starts his demonstration, I see how my plan is going horribly wrong.  Hmmm...he does a fabulous job of showing her how a little boy pees in the potty.  Oddly enough, this seems to do the trick.  Molly agrees to hop up on the potty, and she tinkles right away.  In my mind, I could already see how that could have gone wrong.  I am pleased Molly did not try to urinate standing up.  Small win for the mommy.


   We reenter the play area, and the kids play for another thirty minutes or so.  I announce it is time to go, and surprisingly enough, both children come with me relatively easily.  By this, I mean I carried Molly out on my hip, and dragged Colin out by his arm.  We got home just in time for Anne to be finished.  The floors are clean, the carpet vacuumed, the bathrooms no longer smell like urine...Ahhh...Now to make dinner.  I throw some pasta on the stove, cook some broccoli, and mix it all together with some alfredo sauce.  Tada!!!  Instant dinner.  The kids and I sit down for a quick meal as I try to catch up on the Olympic medal count for the USA.  I look over, realize it is 7 PM, and my heart does a small dance of joy.  The kids are playing quietly together in the living room, and I head to our clean bathroom to start their bath.


    Some where about halfway through drawing the bubble bath, I decide it looks quite inviting.  It has been ages since I sat in a bath and soaked.  I have been resigned to the reality of 5 minute "mommy showers" for years now.  As I make the decision to slide into the bath myself, I decide to go and grab one of the pumpkin beers out of the fridge.  I pop the top, turn on Dora for the kids, and slip into the sudsy water.  I submerge myself completely.  All I can hear is the nothingness of the bubbles popping in my ears.  My eyes are closed, and I sit up a little to sip my beer.  Ahhhh, this is nice...


   And then my son pops through the door.  I sit up a little more, and address my son's presence...not that they ever need a reason to stare at me while I am in the bathroom.

Me  "Hey Colin, what's up?"
Colin  "Guess what?!?" (in a very excited voice)
Me  "What?"
Colin  "Guess what happened with my underwears!"
Me  "Oh no...what happened with your underwears?"
Colin  (very excited still) "I had diarrhea come out."
Me  "Seriously...(sip my beer) OK bud, lets take off your clothes, very carefully"
 

    I realize I have just lost my bubble bath to my son who is much greater need.  As I exit the tub, I have to laugh at the fact that I even thought I would get enough time to myself to enjoy a bath.  I mean, what are the chances of avoiding handling toddler excrement twice in one day.  Apparently, not very good.  At least I still have the beer :)