Cute kid moments for the day...

  Cute moment number one.  I put the kids in the car, only to realize I had left the keys inside.  I ran inside to get them and returned to discover Molly roaring in her brother's direction...
Colin  "Mommy, Molly is roaring at me."
Me  "Sorry dude..."
Colin  "But Mommy, Molly is still roaring at me.  Make her stop."
Me  "What is it hurting bud??  She is just being silly."
Colin  "It's hurting my ears..."
Me  "Duly noted sir...Molly stop roaring please, you are hurting you brother's ears."
Molly  "ROAR!!!"
Me  "You had to see that one coming dude..."

  Cute moment number two.  Molly has started to really get into babies and dressing her dolls.  She carried them around, and she even attempted to dress the dog, much to the dog's dismay...On our way to a family movie night, she insisted on bringing her babies to "our picnic."  She picked two dolls, brought a separate blanket for them, and held them in the car.  She insisted that they have car seats as well, but I explained she was just going to have to share her seat with the dolls.  As we walked across the parking lot to the field for our movie night, she stopped in her tracks, a baby under each arm, and said, "Oh no Mommy, I need their stroller."  I have finally gotten to a stroller free point in my life, and now we need one for her dolls??

   Finally, after a fun evening out with our family, Colin says simply "Thank you for taking me to the movie at my school."  What an awesome thing to hear.  It is incredible to hear positive feedback from my little guys.  Not only do I know they had a great time, but it is nice to know that they are learning to be thankful and use great manners.  Maybe we are doing something right after all??

PS...Totally awesome moment this week as a mother.  Molly's teacher confessed that she has asked herself "What would Heidi do??"  Not only is this woman an incredible teacher and mom, she is super organized, and she has taught both of my children.  I have to admit, I am slightly flattered.  I am glad that my offbeat parenting style can inspire others at times.  When she told me this, I said "The answer is almost always have another cup of coffee or a glass of wine, and try to relax and remember that no matter what, it usually isn't as bad as it seems."

Car pool conversation...

   It all started with an audible toot in the back seat.  Normally, I wouldn't even call attention to it, except to point out that the culprit should say excuse me, but this morning, it sparked a little concern.  Molly had refused to go to the bathroom before we left the house, and I was more than a little afraid of accidents on the way.  Our conversation went something like this...

Me  "Molly, did you toot?"

Molly  "No...no mommy" (with a completely offended tone that is impossible to convey in writing)

Me  "Colin, did you toot?"

Colin  "No mommy...I think you tooted."

Me  "You can't blame it on me guys, I know I didn't toot."

Colin  "Yeah you did, you tooted." (giggles the entire time)

Me  "Are you guys sure you didn't toot.  Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

Colin  "OK, I didn't toot...It was just my butt doing a trick."

Me (Completely uncontrolled laughter)

Colin  "What's wrong mommy, why are you laughing?"

Me  "Because that was hilarious little dude." (Continued laughter)

Colin  "Well, I guess I tooted, but it is not nice to laugh Mommy"

Me  "I suppose you are correct Colin, but I think I liked your first explanation better."

The girl child...I have angered her

    The girl child...I have angered her.  This was the simple thought that crossed my mind as I attempted to please my youngest this morning.  Molly was not happy.  It all started with such a small thing.  She only goes to school MWF, and Colin goes M-F.  She does not like this arrangement...at all.  She should be where ever Colin is, no matter what.  Well, perhaps the doctor's office would be an exception.

    Every morning, my daughter proves she is more like me every day.  She is pleasant enough in the morning, if she wakes up on her own.  That is a very big "if."  So this morning, since it was a Thursday, I thought I would save myself the drama and trouble of getting Princess Grumpy Pants dressed.  I was only running Colin up to the school, and I would be right back, so I made the decision to leave her with daddy.  Molly sensed a disturbance in the Force.  Despite her overwhelming desire to stay in bed, Mommy and Colin leaving without her was simply not an option.  She clung to my pants as I was attempting to leave the house, crying dramatically "No Mommy, I go to school too.  No, I need my red bag.  I go with you and Colin."  I beg Mike to peel the parasite off my leg, but I realize quickly the effort will be futile.  I grab my bed head daughter who is still in her jammies and no shoes, and load her into the car.  By this time, I am running very late, and I am praying that will not have to complete the "Mommy Walk of Shame" in my lounge clothes with my shoeless 3 y/o on my hip in her PJ's.  I prayed the prayer I pray most mornings, "Dear Lord, get us to school safely, quickly, and before the car pool line shuts down. Amen."

    It is a simple prayer, but some mornings, the green cones give me the proverbial finger, and I have to hop out, and walk both children inside.  By some minor miracle, the car pool line was still in motion as I pulled into the church.  During the entire trip to school, Molly seemed to become aware of her current state, and the questions began.  "Mommy, where are my shoes??  Mommy, where are my clothes??   Mommy, I still need my red bag."  It was as if she was simply thinking..."Hey Lady, you are slacking off on the job.  What were you thinking letting me leave like this?" I truly believe this child would like to lodge a complaint with the manager about the service in this joint at times.  Sadly, she would be disappointed that the manager would still be me. Some days, I feel like a glorified barista. Both kids, sitting at the kitchen island, waiting on their mocha lattes, hold the coffee. I had to laugh.  Her final question, "Where are we going? I need clothes."  I reassured her we were headed home to do just that.  Of course, this was not before the director of the preschool stuck her head in my window to tell me how cute Molly was in class yesterday...So close, and yet so far.  I am sure I am not the first mommy to drive through the car pool line with her kids in jammies.

      The temper tantrums continued off and on all morning.  The start of the day seemed to set the tone for the remainder of the day.  I simply can not handle the whining all day, so I try to think like Molly, which actually means, think like me :)  What do I want when I am having a bad day??  So I let her have ice cream for breakfast.  Things started to improve from that moment on.  It is the simple things in life at times...

   On a completely different note, we finally put up the bunk beds for the kids.  They have slept in them for the last two nights without drama or injury.  Fingers crossed that it continues.  I am somewhere between wanting to cry and celebrate that the toddler beds are gone, and the children are finally potty trained.  No babies in this house anymore.  No more crib sheets, no more diapers.  It is a huge milestone for me for some reason.  Some one smack me before I start thinking I need another one...Oh, and if you thought changing a crib sheet was a pain, try the top bunk when you are only 5'2".  Colin of course wet the bed last night, and I got to experience the joy of changing the top bunk.  Lucky for Molly, I remembered the waterproof mattress covers.

Vampires in car pool??

  As I wrestled my children into their clothes and attempted to convince them that we needed to get into our vehicle, I realized Molly had wandered off...yet again.  This child is always in her own little world.  I looked through the whole house, calling her name, and I found her at the front door.  She was patiently waiting with her school bag, and a Costco size container of garlic powder and black pepper under each arm.  

Me  "Molly, give Mommy the garlic powder...I can assure you we will not be encountering any vampires on our way to school this morning.  Or any other members of the undead for that matter...No garlic will be needed"
Molly  "OK Mommy, here you go..."

   Things you thought you would never have to say...
 

"What do you mean, they take naps for you??"

   I mean, seriously, what did my husband expect when he told me this the other day?  "They take naps for me..."  I nearly jumped through the phone to choke him.  For months now, I have been mourning the loss of my afternoon quiet times.  I fought the good fight, but damn it, the little guys won.  I stopped even trying to make them nap, because it made my afternoon even more miserable than it needed to be.  Instead, I conceded defeat, and started making afternoon coffee to go with my morning coffee.  What else is a mommy to do??  Outside of drugging them into comas, I felt I had no other recourse but to accept that my babies were "too big" for naps anymore.  Did I think they still needed one?? Yes.  Did I think I still needed a couple hours to myself everyday?? Hell yes...So why in the world did my sweet husband have to point out this fabulous parenting inconsistency to me??  Secretly, I think he wanted to rub it in.  I mean, what man doesn't want to prove that Daddy is better than Mommy at something.  Maybe he was genuinely confused?  In fact, it seems that they have continued napping for daddy the majority of the time.  He simply tells them it is time, and they do it.  WTH??  I can perform the exact same motions, and nothing...He even asked me "I just don't understand why you don't make them nap anymore.  It is such a nice two hour break when I have them."  I was at work when he said this most recently.  I may or may not have let an expletive fly and hung up the phone.

     I came home from work at midnight that night, and walked into our bedroom.  Mike tried to continue the conversation.  I stared at him...why don't they get it??  Mike starts in "I think you should try to make them take naps again.  You could benefit from some me time."  Sure, you know, I just stopped because I wanted to.  Every mom loves to give up that precious two hours of quiet time.  He had to throw in "You know, they napped for Anne the other day when she was here."  I slept on the couch...I was following my mother's rule. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

    Later on that week, my friend Sandra kept the kids around nap time.  She says off hand..."You know, I think your kids could still use a nap.  They both seemed pretty tired this afternoon."  After receiving the "stink eye" she said "But I am sure you have tried everything..."

    This sparked a plan in my head.  If they nap for everyone else, by God, they are going to nap for me.  So I started with nap time again.  I have been presenting it as a non-option.  I think I was before, but I deserve some sleep too, dammit.  Both children are confused.  They have even let it slip as I leave for work "OK daddy, we will take a nap, because Mommy isn't here."  Uggghhhhh!!!  When did this become the rule?  I Will Succeed.  If Mike can do it, then I certainly can as well.  So nap time is back at the Bryan House,  and it is still one of the most frustrating times of the day.   They are not happy about "Operation Nap" being enforced.  Molly uses the potty as an excuse to keep getting up.  The first few days were horrible failures, and I gave up after over an hour of putting the kids back in their rooms.  The last two days did result in 30 minutes of "quiet time" from Colin and a 1.5 hr nap from Molly.  I suppose those could be considered successful.  Of course, today, Molly got up to pee twice, and I thought I heard little sneaky footsteps after that, but I was enjoying my time on the couch...in a horizontal position, with my eyes closed...wait just a minute...this is Molly we are talking about.  Maybe I should go check on where she is?

   I checked her room, no Molly...I checked Colin's room, no Molly...I checked the closets, no Molly...I checked my bed, no Molly.  At this point, I am starting to panic.  I want to call out her name, but if the little booger is asleep somewhere, I don't want to wake her up and miss my chance to enjoy it.  I look in both bathrooms, and I start checking under beds.  I finally checked under our bed.  I was greeted as usual by my cat Jerry.  He lives under the bed until about 9 pm.  The cat looked confused and on edge, and was eyeing the corner carefully.  I followed his gaze, and there she was.  Molly, asleep in a little ball under my bed.  I left her there, much to the cat's dismay.  The kid is napping, all be it in a ball under my bed.  Sure, I wanted to move her out of the dust bunny pit that is under my bed, but you never wake a sleeping baby, right??  I'll be damned if I let a silly thing like location rob me of my naptime success.

My shopping list...

My Shopping List...

-Vacuum cleaner (no longer sucks and it has erectile dysfunction, officially useless)
-vacuum cleaner bags
-Goldfish (live, not crackers, just in case I need a new fish to distract from the sick, dying goldfish) (pretty sure the vacuum malfunction and sick injured goldfish have nothing to do with each other, but I never put anything past Molly)
-Fish medicine ( to attempt to resuscitate said sick, injured goldfish that has to taken to floating sideways at times)
-Coffee creamer (that one is obvious I would hope)
-Linens for new big kid beds (Holy crap, that got expensive.  Not to mention the fact that Molly has been sleeping in her sleeping bag on the floor of her room for over three weeks now.  And I just spent a small fortune getting new beds and linens for them.)
-One can of Pam (see following story...)


     My daughter...well, she is just a little different to say the least, and I love her for it, but she keeps me on my toes.  I have often thought that she thinks of the craziest things to get into, that no other child would even consider trying.  I have had this fact verified by other mommy friends.  Molly is indeed a special case in many situations.  Never assume anything while this little girl is around.  She is curious, creative, and busy to say the least.  She marches to the beat of her own drummer in "Molly Land" every day of our lives.  So here are just a few of the strange things she has done this week alone.


    As I was sitting at my computer peacefully searching for the perfect bedding for their new super, awesome big kid beds, I realized Molly had wandered off.  I was briefly lulled into a false sense of security as I hear her banging around in her play kitchen.  Awesome, she is entertained and having fun...And then I hear "it" the first time.  "It" being a strange sound that I just couldn't place.  Almost like someone was releasing air from something.  I brushed it off, and continued my search for boy/girl coordinated bedding.  This was much harder than I had originally thought.  I figured there were plenty of bed sets that would be options, but I was wrong.  I tried finding some color coordinated, theme coordinated, or even simply complimentary colors would have been OK with me.  Nada, nothing.  Just as I finally find something on Target.com that just might work, I hear "it" again.  This time the sound continued for over a minute before I decided to investigate.  I snuck into Molly's room, and busted her with a can of PAM.  She was spraying her entire bedroom and play kitchen.  The can was empty...Molly had PAM in her hair, all over her play kitchen, all over her bedding, and she completed her artwork by spraying her tent with my non stick spray.  As I told this story at work, my friends wanted to know where she found the PAM.  I have no idea.  I promise it was not easily accessible.  I grabbed the now empty, and harmless can, placed my daughter in time out, and stripped everything I could in the room to be washed.   Why PAM??  Why your sheets?  Perhaps she has seen me with Febreeze, occasionally spraying linens and pillows?  I have no idea, but my best guess is it was simply fun to push the button and spray stuff.

    Finding my daughter randomly naked has finally become a less frequent problem.  She tends to stay dressed the majority of the time, finally.  So imagine my surprise the other day when I return from my shower to find her completely naked.  I had managed to get both children ready for the day, and then I stepped away to get myself ready.  Upon my return, I am greeted by "The Return of Stripper Bear."  I sigh and simply ask "Molly, why are you naked??"  She looks down, seems strangely surprised, and replies "Ummm, I don't know Mommy."  People wonder why I am late everywhere I go...


     Later that same day, I found Molly at the craft table, cutting a banana into slices with a steak knife.  I asked her "Molly...what are you doing??"  Her reply "Making banana cakes Mommy."  I mean, what else would a three year old be doing?  Mental note to find dishwasher lock...she must have found the knife there...


   Finally, our poor fish was doing a lot of the sidestroke in the tank.  He seemed to be having stabilization issues. I figured this was bad sign, and I took this as a teaching moment.  I decided the kids are getting older, and maybe I should explain a little more about how every life has an end, etc...We had already lost "Baby Dogfish" last week.  I thought I would explain it then, but Mike beat me to it, and told the kids that Baby Dogfish went to the beach to build sandcastles.  So, as I saw Dog fish doing the occasional side stroke, I sat Colin down, and told him that Dogfish was not doing well.  I pointed out how he was floating, and I warned him Dogfish might die soon.  He seemed to understand, but quickly said "Well then we need to take him to the fish doctor."  I wasn't ready for that...

Me "Well, Colin.  We don't really have fish doctors.  We usually just get new fish."
Colin "But we need to make him better, maybe the doggie doctor could see him."
Me "I am so sorry bud, it doesn't really work that way."
Colin "They might have one at the aquarium..."
Me  "I am sure they do little dude, but they probably don't see outside patients" (Leave it to a nurse to say something like that)
Colin "Well, can we get him some medicine to make him feel better?"
Me "We can certainly give it a shot."

   So off we go to Wal-Mart to find fish medicine, and pick up a few extra fish.  I will need new fish to redirect and distract if the meds don't work.  We pick up two antifungal meds, four new fish, and miscellaneous crap that causes our check out to be close to $100.  How does that always happen?  We head home, do a partial tank change, put in a fresh tank filter, and administer the fish medicine.  I remind Colin again that it may not work, and not to be surprised if Dogfish is doing the backstroke in the morning.  We have some dinner, hang out for a little while in the front yard, and then we come back in to get ready for bed.  While I was getting Colin dressed, Molly had gone to the cabinet where I had placed the fish medicine, and pulled out a bottle of sunscreen.  I found her smearing sunscreen all over the front of the fish tank.  I grab the sunscreen and a towel from the bathroom, and start to clean up the mess, and begin my interrogation.

Me "Molly Elizabeth, what are you doing?"
Molly "I am giving Dogfish medicine..."
Me "Well, that is very sweet, but you always need to check with Mommy first.  Besides, I doubt sunburn is his greatest concern at this point..."

   In hindsight, it is a miracle that the fish have survived for as long as they have with that girl around.


PS  Dogfish is doing awesome.  He seems to have turned a corner.  I guess the fish medicine did the trick.  Now on to the big kid beds.  I have purchased bunk beds so that they can share the one big room, and use the other small room as a play area.  I sense it will back fire, which is why I specifically bought beds that could be separated if needed.  I will post pictures when the transformation is complete.
 

What is that smell??

   What is that smell???  A common question in a house with two toddlers and pets, so as I was sitting at my laptop this morning, it was no surprise as this question crossed my mind.  I wrinkled my nose, and I started the "dog sniff" technique of locating the origination of the foul stench.  My son walked up to give me a hug, and as an experienced mommy does, you start with the usual suspects.

Me "Colin, did you poop in your pants?"
Colin "No Mommy, I  didn't..."
(I pull his underwear and shorts away from his backside, and take a quick peak)
Me "Sorry dude, all clear."


   On to the next possible offender...

Me "Hey Molly, can you come here for a minute."
Molly "Ok Mommy." (trots over happily)
Me "Molly, did you poop in your underwears?"
Molly (highly offended, although, considering the number of previous transgressions, I am not sure how she could be) "No Mommy, I didn't"
 Proceed with the official "mommy pants check."
Molly "Hey, I SAID I didn't."
Me "OK Miss Sassy Pants, you are in the clear as well."

   My mind begins to consider further possibilities.  I wander over to the kitchen to get another cup of coffee.  Mike sits down at the computer.

Mike "What is that smell??  Did the dog crap somewhere?"
Me "No idea, I thought it might be the kids, but they are both clear."
Mike "Huh..."
Me "Take the trash out, see if that helps."

   We both decide the smell improves with the removal of the trash, and I head to our room for some TV.  I sadly have had both a Vitatop Muffin Top and mexican food in the last 24 hours, and I have horrible gas.  I lay down on our bed, and Colin climbs up to snuggle.  For some reason, he decides to use my butt as a pillow.  After a few minutes, a SBD(Silent but Deadly) fart escapes from the region Colin has sadly chosen as a pillow.  He sits up, wrinkles his nose, and asks me the same question.

Colin "Mommy, what is that smell??"
Me "Oh, sorry bud, Mommy has gas in her tummy."
(He lifts the waistband of my pajama pants, and checks my underwear...)
Colin "Nope, no poop.  Good job Mommy."

   I suppose I deserve that one...