The Bryan Kids 2014

The Bryan Kids 2014

Sunday, September 9, 2012

My shopping list...

My Shopping List...

-Vacuum cleaner (no longer sucks and it has erectile dysfunction, officially useless)
-vacuum cleaner bags
-Goldfish (live, not crackers, just in case I need a new fish to distract from the sick, dying goldfish) (pretty sure the vacuum malfunction and sick injured goldfish have nothing to do with each other, but I never put anything past Molly)
-Fish medicine ( to attempt to resuscitate said sick, injured goldfish that has to taken to floating sideways at times)
-Coffee creamer (that one is obvious I would hope)
-Linens for new big kid beds (Holy crap, that got expensive.  Not to mention the fact that Molly has been sleeping in her sleeping bag on the floor of her room for over three weeks now.  And I just spent a small fortune getting new beds and linens for them.)
-One can of Pam (see following story...)

     My daughter...well, she is just a little different to say the least, and I love her for it, but she keeps me on my toes.  I have often thought that she thinks of the craziest things to get into, that no other child would even consider trying.  I have had this fact verified by other mommy friends.  Molly is indeed a special case in many situations.  Never assume anything while this little girl is around.  She is curious, creative, and busy to say the least.  She marches to the beat of her own drummer in "Molly Land" every day of our lives.  So here are just a few of the strange things she has done this week alone.

    As I was sitting at my computer peacefully searching for the perfect bedding for their new super, awesome big kid beds, I realized Molly had wandered off.  I was briefly lulled into a false sense of security as I hear her banging around in her play kitchen.  Awesome, she is entertained and having fun...And then I hear "it" the first time.  "It" being a strange sound that I just couldn't place.  Almost like someone was releasing air from something.  I brushed it off, and continued my search for boy/girl coordinated bedding.  This was much harder than I had originally thought.  I figured there were plenty of bed sets that would be options, but I was wrong.  I tried finding some color coordinated, theme coordinated, or even simply complimentary colors would have been OK with me.  Nada, nothing.  Just as I finally find something on that just might work, I hear "it" again.  This time the sound continued for over a minute before I decided to investigate.  I snuck into Molly's room, and busted her with a can of PAM.  She was spraying her entire bedroom and play kitchen.  The can was empty...Molly had PAM in her hair, all over her play kitchen, all over her bedding, and she completed her artwork by spraying her tent with my non stick spray.  As I told this story at work, my friends wanted to know where she found the PAM.  I have no idea.  I promise it was not easily accessible.  I grabbed the now empty, and harmless can, placed my daughter in time out, and stripped everything I could in the room to be washed.   Why PAM??  Why your sheets?  Perhaps she has seen me with Febreeze, occasionally spraying linens and pillows?  I have no idea, but my best guess is it was simply fun to push the button and spray stuff.

    Finding my daughter randomly naked has finally become a less frequent problem.  She tends to stay dressed the majority of the time, finally.  So imagine my surprise the other day when I return from my shower to find her completely naked.  I had managed to get both children ready for the day, and then I stepped away to get myself ready.  Upon my return, I am greeted by "The Return of Stripper Bear."  I sigh and simply ask "Molly, why are you naked??"  She looks down, seems strangely surprised, and replies "Ummm, I don't know Mommy."  People wonder why I am late everywhere I go...

     Later that same day, I found Molly at the craft table, cutting a banana into slices with a steak knife.  I asked her "Molly...what are you doing??"  Her reply "Making banana cakes Mommy."  I mean, what else would a three year old be doing?  Mental note to find dishwasher lock...she must have found the knife there...

   Finally, our poor fish was doing a lot of the sidestroke in the tank.  He seemed to be having stabilization issues. I figured this was bad sign, and I took this as a teaching moment.  I decided the kids are getting older, and maybe I should explain a little more about how every life has an end, etc...We had already lost "Baby Dogfish" last week.  I thought I would explain it then, but Mike beat me to it, and told the kids that Baby Dogfish went to the beach to build sandcastles.  So, as I saw Dog fish doing the occasional side stroke, I sat Colin down, and told him that Dogfish was not doing well.  I pointed out how he was floating, and I warned him Dogfish might die soon.  He seemed to understand, but quickly said "Well then we need to take him to the fish doctor."  I wasn't ready for that...

Me "Well, Colin.  We don't really have fish doctors.  We usually just get new fish."
Colin "But we need to make him better, maybe the doggie doctor could see him."
Me "I am so sorry bud, it doesn't really work that way."
Colin "They might have one at the aquarium..."
Me  "I am sure they do little dude, but they probably don't see outside patients" (Leave it to a nurse to say something like that)
Colin "Well, can we get him some medicine to make him feel better?"
Me "We can certainly give it a shot."

   So off we go to Wal-Mart to find fish medicine, and pick up a few extra fish.  I will need new fish to redirect and distract if the meds don't work.  We pick up two antifungal meds, four new fish, and miscellaneous crap that causes our check out to be close to $100.  How does that always happen?  We head home, do a partial tank change, put in a fresh tank filter, and administer the fish medicine.  I remind Colin again that it may not work, and not to be surprised if Dogfish is doing the backstroke in the morning.  We have some dinner, hang out for a little while in the front yard, and then we come back in to get ready for bed.  While I was getting Colin dressed, Molly had gone to the cabinet where I had placed the fish medicine, and pulled out a bottle of sunscreen.  I found her smearing sunscreen all over the front of the fish tank.  I grab the sunscreen and a towel from the bathroom, and start to clean up the mess, and begin my interrogation.

Me "Molly Elizabeth, what are you doing?"
Molly "I am giving Dogfish medicine..."
Me "Well, that is very sweet, but you always need to check with Mommy first.  Besides, I doubt sunburn is his greatest concern at this point..."

   In hindsight, it is a miracle that the fish have survived for as long as they have with that girl around.

PS  Dogfish is doing awesome.  He seems to have turned a corner.  I guess the fish medicine did the trick.  Now on to the big kid beds.  I have purchased bunk beds so that they can share the one big room, and use the other small room as a play area.  I sense it will back fire, which is why I specifically bought beds that could be separated if needed.  I will post pictures when the transformation is complete.

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