and so it begins...

  So this morning, I was off to a fabulous start.  As always, I was running late, and attempting to convince both children they needed to get in the car and head for school, preferably fully clothed.  Today, after car pool, I met my friend Sandra in the preschool parking lot.  Breakfast occurred in the car for everyone, including myself.  My sweet babies had dry cereal, and sippy cups of milk.  I, however, grabbed two Girl Scout cookies and a 16 oz Diet Coke, and hit the door running.  The irony of this being that today was gym day.  Today, Sandra and I were hitting the gym together for the first time.  She is already a member, and has been waiting for me to join.  Our kids attend preschool together, and we work together at the hospital as well, so why not the gym too??  Of course, being the chronic hypertensive(high blood pressure for my non medical readers) that I am, I have meds to take every day, and they usually do better with food in my tummy.  Occasionally, whatever I eat, and my pills do not get along, and I wind up feeling nauseous anyway.  Go figure, today was one of those days.  As I walked "the mommy walk of shame" due to my late arrival, I was fighting back the urge to vomit.  Not a good way to start a trip to the gym.  As I walked up to Sandra's car, she can tell I am not feeling well.  

Sandra "What's up?"
Me "I kinda feel like I am going to vomit..."
Sandra (as she leans away from me) "Why, what's wrong?"
Me "It's probably because I took my blood pressure meds with two samoas and a diet coke"
Sandra (shaking her head and laughing) "well, do you need a bowl or anything?"
Me "nah, I should be fine, I hope.."

  Ok, lesson learned.  Have an actual breakfast before taking your meds, especially on a day that you plan to work out for the first time in forever.  The good news, I am now a member at the gym, and I survived a short cardio work out, and a few weight machines, all without tossing my cookies...literally :)

perhaps I should bake more often...

   Last Christmas, Santa brought Molly and Colin a really cool little play kitchen.  Up until now, it has seemed to serve more as a place to hide during hide and seek, and a place for mommy to put away toys out of sight.  Recently, Molly has started to actually "pretend" to cook.  Last night, I watched her play with her pretend cupcakes.  She proudly presented one to daddy on a little plate, and I thought to myself, "how does she even know that cupcakes are baked?"  I have never baked cup cakes.  She knows meals must be prepped and cooked, but I rarely bake, especially cupcakes.   Out of curiosity, I followed her back to the little kitchen.  And there I observed my daughter pulling the cupcakes out of the pretend pantry, not out of the pretend oven...I guess I need to start baking a little more often.  My daughter is even under the impression that cupcakes magically appear in the pantry.  Must work on becoming more of a domestic goddess...right after another pot of coffee, a load of dishes, and the four loads of laundry in my hallway.  Who has time to bake???

a little bit naked...

     My son says some of the cutest things without ever realizing how cute they actually are.  Tonight, for example, I got to ask the infamous question in my house. "Colin, where are your pants?"  This question gets asked frequently due to the fact that he still occasionally feels the need to strip from the waist down to go potty.  With my daughter, well it has become old news to see her streaking naked through the house, but I still feel the need to ask "Why are you naked?"  Such a simple question, but one I never saw myself asking, at least not multiple times in one day.  Tonight, when I asked him, "where are your pants?"  He looked down, seemed quite surprised, and said "Oh, I am a little bit naked." How do you forget you are "a little bit naked?"  I giggled, and then Molly streaked past without her shirt. "Look Mommy, Molly is a little bit naked too."  Again, I let a little giggle escape.  Mike chimes in with "Well we are ahead of the game if Molly is only a little bit naked."  So true, sadly.  The other day, I was walking around in just a t-shirt, looking for a pair of jeans in the laundry room.  Colin says "Oh no mommy, you forgot your pants. "  After reassuring him that I had not forgotten my pants, that I was simply looking for them, he seemed to relax.  I guess the kid thought I was going to drive through the car pool line with no pants. I mean, come on, even I draw the line for car pool attire at PJ's.  This only backfires when you are running just a little bit too late, and you have to do the "mommy walk of shame" down the preschool hallway in your sleepwear.  It backfires even more when they ask you to stay and sub in one of the classes, and you are still wearing what you slept in.  Mental note, always get dressed before you leave the house.  Or at least wear something to bed that you can wear out in public...
   A little bit naked...a frequent problem around this house.  One day, maybe the kids will stay dressed, and I will have time to get dressed before carpool, but then that would just be boring and normal, something I hope my life never is, or maybe something I long for my life to be, depending on my mood :)

a new Olympic event???

   I would like to propose a new Olympic event.  Dressing a two year old that does NOT want to be dressed.  Lets face it, I am far from an athlete.  I would love to say otherwise, but if you see me running, you might want to pick up the pace as well.  It means there are probably men with guns or large dogs chasing me.  But frequently I realize the actual physical effort that is involved in parenting.  Keeping up with these little people is a lot of work, not to mention the extra effort that is involved in the simple things.  You see, since my daughter has been able to roll over, changing a simple diaper became a WWF session at best.  Rolling over, tackling, wrestling, grabbing at the contents of the dirty diaper, whatever she could do to make the process more challenging for me, and more fun for her.  And now, getting dressed.  She likes being naked, but social protocol requires my almost three year old to be dressed.  Go figure.  Molly is not on board with this plan.  She is an incredibly happy child.  She loves to smile, loves life, and loves food.  My friends frequently say "she is always smiling."  What they don't realize is what she becomes when she is not happy.  The world..is..over, and drama begins.  Molly is fabulous in the mornings, if she wakes up on her own, but like her mother, a wake up call is enough to send her over the edge.  This morning, she was sound asleep.  I start by turning the light on, and picking out her clothes while she is still sleeping.  Her brother is almost always already awake, watching NickJr, and drinking his chocolate milk like it was his morning coffee.  He has never been talkative in the mornings, but most days I can redirect his potential tantrums pretty quickly.  He is the easy one to get ready for school.  Molly is another story.  First, it is the diaper/pull up debate.  Due to potty training, she can go without anything on here at the house, but I have to put something on her for school.  Let the wrestling match begin...Trying to get the "baby straight jacket"(footie sleeper that has been rigged to be worn backwards so that she can't unzip it) and her diaper changed frequently requires a "time out", a naked sprint session, and finally an NFL tackle in the hallway.  Next comes putting the new diaper or pull up on.  She has this new move that I hope she continues into her teen years.  She can lock her legs and knees together so that it is almost impossible to get said diaper on or off.  This is of course after she has made a break for the door, and you have chased the half dressed child down the hall.  Now come the clothing negotiations.  Prior to last few weeks, she has had very little to say about what she wears.  Now she has an opinion on everything, and we rarely agree.  Don't get me wrong, I pick my battles, but some things are simply a "no go." Shoes are her favorite, and she loves to pick out shoes.  I rarely fight about those unless totally necessary.  Next comes the hair.  Every day I have to wet my sweet daughter's baby fine, curly hair down with leave in conditioner, before I can even try to brush it.  Why I bother, I am not sure.  Within minutes of fixing her hair, it is a fluffy mess all over again.  I apologize to her daily for this hair.  Sadly she was cursed with my hair.  When she is finally dressed.  I give her a sippy cup of milk, some breakfast, and finish getting ready myself.  About 50% of the time, when I return, I find her naked again.  After a few expletives under my breath, I redress the smiling child.  Finally, we all start towards the car for school.
   Yes I am almost always late. In fact, I have decided that no matter what time I get up, I will always be a little late.  I was a little late before children, but now I consider it a good day if the preschool is still doing carpool when we arrive.  I strive to do better, but toddlers can smell fear.  As I start to get agitated, and try harder to get out the door, they can sense the moment of weakness, and throw some new curveball in my direction.  My close friends know to just tell me to be some where 30 minutes before they actually need me.
    Going back to my lack of athleticism.  I have decided to join a gym...again.  I am way past the point of being able to call this "baby weight.  It is now "I emotionally eat to cope with dealing with my small children" weight.  With my family's cardiac history, my chronic hypertension, and high cholesterol, it is time to start getting serious.  I am a smart person.  It is a simple equation in the end.  Eat less/ exercise more.  I know what I need to do, it is just making myself do it.  I may join weight watchers again as well.  I haven't decided about that yet.  The meetings have helped in the past.  It often felt like an AA meeting, but really, addictions are very similar.  I need to lose about 30 lbs to make my doctor happy, and about 20 lbs before I will stop avoiding mirrors.  I am sure there will be posts along the way.  Any encouragement will be appreciated.  Advice is always accepted.  You see, I never really lose weight, I just misplace it. I need to stop the yo yo dieting, and change my life.  I want to be here when my kids have kids.  I don't want to miss a moment due to poor decisions.  I hate exercise and I hate dieting almost as much, so here goes nothing.  I will keep you posted on my progress, and maybe this will help hold me accountable.

Toddler vocabulary conundrum...

   If anyone had ever told me before I was a mother, that I would be putting great thought into the words that I teach my children, I would have laughed.  I am not talking about what I am teaching them, in a philosophical way.  Of course, we all put plenty of thought into how we want to raise our children.  Or least I like to believe we all do. But little did I know that the simplest of things can become quite puzzling.  Do I teach them penis and vagina, or do I call it a pee pee and girl parts?  Never would I have believed that this would become something that I pondered.  Do I say butt or bottom?  There are words that I have never given a great deal of thought to at all, but when I hear them come out of my four year old's mouth, I finally understand why my mom would correct simple things I said.  It seems odd to me to hear little people using grown up words.  I heard a little boy at the park the other day say "that hurt my balls."  Is it wrong?  Who am I to judge? But it did shock me, and then I considered, what do I want him to say?
    The problem continues.  Is it peepee, teetee, or urine? I have settled on poop and peepee.  I mean seriously, what else should a four year old call his feces and urine? I even catch myself asking my patients if they need to go peepee.  The first time moms look at me like I am crazy.  The ones with kids at home just giggle with total understanding.  Recently, I discovered that my children and I had never really discussed, well...passing gas.  I have to admit, I really don't like any of the words I know for this bodily function.  Fart sounds crude, but tends to be the most popular among the kids.  I hate both toot and poot just on principle.  No good explanation, just can't bring myself to use them.  A four year saying "passed gas" seems ridiculous, so I am glad to announce that my son has come up with his own word for this function, and it is actually pretty cute, and an accurate description.  After farting, for lack of a better word, Colin said "oh no Mommy, my poop popped"  From that day forward, we started to call it poop popping.  We all occasionally have our poop pop, and frankly, it seems like the perfect thing for my son to say.  Now, if only I can get him to stop saying butt, and start saying bottom...

chocolate rewards...

Ahhhh...the joys of potty training. While I was using the bathroom earlier, Colin walked by and announced, "daddy, mommy is going peepee. Now she gets a chocolate." Me "actually, I should get two chocolates, if we are being technical" I mean, if all of my bathroom visits must be attended and verbally reported, I should at least get full credit :)

Dressing room Disaster

So I think the only thing more depressing than shopping for shorts in the next size up today, was discovering my three year old taking photos of me with my cell phone, trying the bigger shorts on in the dressing room. Nothing like seeing the photographic evidence, and hoping to god he has no idea how to send the pics to people :)

Tattle tale

Colin totally tells on himself. I left the room briefly, and I returned to find Molly crying. I asked Colin why Molly was sad. He said "I was mean." I asked "What did you do?" Colin simply replies "I hit her in the head, I guess I need to hug her and kiss her, and say sorry, right??" I didn't even bother with asking why....

My daily prayer...

Dear Lord, I know there are much bigger problems in the world than the way my children are behaving today, but if you could make them do something cute and sweet to remind me that it isn't always like this, I would greatly appreciate it. Amen....

The queen...

Colin has decided that one of my head bands looks like a "princess crown" He was parading around this morning wearing it, and demanded I go to the corner, because he was the princess and he said so...I took the "crown" and put it on :)

Bathroom violation

As if it isn't bad enough that I haven't been to the bathroom by myself in over three years, Colin walked in just now with my cell phone, and took a picture of "mommy on the potty" Thanks kid, just what every woman needs...

the stripping begins

Molly has decided that sleep is for the weak toddlers. After putting her down for her nap, and checking back in 40 minutes later to redress my completely naked, and still awake daughter, I have realized my afternoon quiet time might be coming to an end. I placed her back in her crib for an additional hour, hoping I could outlast her, but she was still awake an hour later, and naked, again...I am hoping this stripping as a rebellion thing ends before puberty, or we could have serious issues on our hands

Alzheimer's mice...

My husband is always full of interesting news and fun facts.  The other night, he was reading The Economist, and decided he should engage me in a conversation about the story he was reading.

Mike "Did you know, they have found a cure for mice with Alzheimer's??"
Me  " How do they know the mice have Alzheimer's?"
Mike " I guessing they tested for it, and they gave the mice Alzheimer's.  Maybe they injected them with it.  Genetically altered, I don't know, but they cured them."
Me "How?  I mean, did they make them go through mazes they used to know...Did they ask them if that was their cousin, Minnie?? Did the mice lose their keys?? Even if they gave them the gene, how do they know the mice actually had the disorder?? and, therefore, how do they know they cured the disorder?"
Mike  "Never mind...I thought it was interesting"
Me "Were the mice lost??  Were they disoriented??"
Mike  "Ugghhh..."

A tribute to my Mommy...

   Bettie Ann Schiaffino was quiet woman, in fact, she was an introvert to say the least.  But underneath her conservative outer layer, was a sarcastic smart a#$ dying to shine.  My mom was an incredible mother, and of course, like most people, I didn't realize how good she was, until it was too late.  Like so many other great people before her, and since, my mother was taken from this world way too soon.  My mother died of cardiac complications(congestive heart failure primarily) at the very early age of 52.  Every day, I ask myself, "What would mommy do?"  I long to have her here with me on this earth.  Her grandchildren will never know her. I can never ask all of the questions I need answered.  But somewhere deep inside me lives a little voice.  She speaks up if I listen very closely, and I am reminded what an incredible parent my mother was.  That small voice lets me know that my mother gave me the tools I need to survive in this world.  My mother helped make me the person that I am today.  That being said...she was also very funny.  I have so many stories of advice my mother gave me while I was growing up.  Some people who knew my mother would be startled by her nuggets of wisdom. Or maybe they wouldn't be at all.  In hindsight, I have no idea what other people thought of my mother.  Maybe she showed her slightly offbeat side to other people as well.  I may never know.  Please note, my mother and I fought like cats and dogs, we were like fire and ice.  We constantly battled while I was teenager full of angst  and such.  It is easy to look back fondly now, but at the time I felt like every other teenager and young adult.  Now I know with complete certainty, we couldn't get along because we were too much alike.  I love to picture us as being friends now, a truce being called over old battles.  I think we would be...Here are some of my favorite stories that involve my mother, and somehow explain why I am the way I am.
   It started early, as a child.  I can remember asking my mother the usual questions like "Mommy, what's that?"
Her response "a tree."  Me "why mommy?"   Her "because it doesn't know how to be a house."  My brother and I can both remember her asking out loud "How did I raise such sarcastic children??"  We would think to ourselves, and sometimes even say "I have no idea mommy :)" with a smile.  Later on, when I was teenager, and fighting the power, she told me things like "Yes, of course you can voice your opinion.  But this is not a democracy, this is a dictatorship, and I am the dictator."  At the time, this phrase infuriated me, now, it sounds brilliant.  Funny how motherhood and growing up can change your opinion.
   One conversation I remember vividly occurred around the age of 15 y/o.  I was wallowing in self pity and angst, and she shared something with me that I will never forget.  Simple common sense.  I wanted to know "why I was here??"  She said, "well I could let you sit here and wonder, in fact you are welcome to dwell on this question for a few weeks if you would like, but I can save you a lot of time.  It simply doesn't matter why...tomorrow, you will wake up, you will have to go to school.  You need to do well in school, so that you can go to college.  You need to go to college so that you can get a job that will pay your bills.  You need to pay your bills so you have somewhere to live.  Hopefully, somewhere along the lines, you will fall in love and have a family so that you have someone to share this every day journey with, but the rules remain the same. "  While it wasn't a perfect explanation, leaving out so many of the things I know she believed(she was a rather religious woman, so I know God played a huge part as well), it was a simple answer that I needed right then.  In the end, it is the simple truth, we wake up, and continue to trudge through life.  There are wonderful moments along the way, thank goodness, but a daily journey non the less.
        As I got older, she finally felt the need to have the "sex talk" with me.  It wasn't the sex talk most people would expect.  I know she knew that I knew the biology involved, so she simply cut to the chase.  This is what she said
"Listen, I don't want you to have sex until you get married, but I don't want you to get married until you are done with college, so you are going to have sex before then.  I have made peace with that, but just promise me one thing.  Make sure you are either old enough to take on the responsibilities of the consequences, or old enough to go get the birth control yourself, because I am not raising your baby."  My mother had a way of making sure that I feared her wrath, and I hope that I can do the same with my children.  Somewhere between fear and a huge respect is where I would like to land.
   When it came time to leave for college, I needed a summer job.  She was looking in the local paper, and said without even lowering the paper, "You know, the Hooters at the Landing is hiring"  Hoping I had misunderstood what my mother had just said, I questioned her.  "Did you just suggest that I get a job at Hooters?"  She lowers the paper so I can see her face "I think you could make up the gas money in tips easily."  Me "You actually want me to work for Hooters?"  Her "All I am saying is use them while you have them."  The paper went back up as if nothing out of the ordinary had been said at all.  After two pregnancies, and breastfeeding two children, I SO understand where she was coming from.  I would kill for my 18 y/o body now.  Of course, why should this request shock me, my mother wanted me to give stand up comedy a shot.  I mean, who's mom actually suggests that??
   Before I left for school, I had decided on nursing as a major.  My mother questioned my sanity at this choice.  She had been a nurse many moons ago, and had no idea why I could possibly want to give the career a shot.  I pointed out the flexibility, decent pay, constant demand, etc... Our conversation, while watching the show ER in the back ground, went something like this.

Her "So you are sure about this nursing thing, huh?"
me  "yeah, pretty sure."
her  "you know doctors can be a$%holes, right? And that you have to listen to them...you don't like being told what to do by anyone."
me  "yes, I know.  Luckily, a lot has changed since you were a nurse"
Her "Ok, well promise me one thing...find yourself a med student that looks like this Carter guy, convince him the four hours a week he has to sleep, he needs to sleep with you, so that you might have some chance of paying off your school loans"
me  "sure???"

  Well Mommy, I didn't meet a med student, but I did marry an incredible man that loves me unconditionally.  Even with all of my quirks and sarcasm.  And I am trying to fulfill a promise to you with this blog.  You made me promise to write a book one day, and this is just the first step towards that experiment.  I love you still, and I think about you every day.  I hope I can be half the mother you were to us, and I wish I could go back in time and tell you that I know what an awesome job you did with us.

love your eternally grateful daughter,
Heidi

Don't drink and drive...toddler version

Colin in the car today. "mommy, what does C-A-R-S spell?" me "it spells cars." Colin "what does B-A-R-S spell?" Me "it spells bars, but remember, cars and bars don't go together" Colin "OK Mommy"

Wii board sweetness

So I got on the scale this morning, and sighed. Of course, my constant bathroom audience was there with me. Colin "what are you doing mommy?" Me "standing on the scale, and it made me sad" Colin "hold on Mommy" Colin trots off to the living room, and comes back with the Wii fit board. Colin "try this one mommy, maybe the other one is broken" I love that little boy :)

Kitchen Staff??

Colin asked me to "wake up the kitchen" this morning. I am not sure if this means he thinks we have our own staff that I need to get out of bed, or if he has seen Beauty and the Beast too many times. Either way, will some one please wake up in my kitchen and make us all breakfast and coffee??? Maybe the kid knows something I don't? Maybe I have house elves?? Oh wait, I am the kitchen staff...guess I better put the coffee on :)

TP...

If anyone needs any place or thing TP'd, my daughter has become quite proficient at this activity. I am willing to lend her out to anyone else needing her services. She is very willing to hand you toilet paper while you are on the potty, and quite capable at covering an entire house in toilet paper in a very brief period of time. It seems to make her quite happy, but I will have to go to Costco for more toilet paper if this new hobby persists...

Just another night in paradise...

Perhaps it was the stealth attack of last night that made it more insulting. I mean, if you are already having a bad day, it never surprises you that it carries into the night. But I was having a wonderful day with my sweet babies, so I never saw last night coming...After getting them both to sleep, Colin awoke with a screech like I have never heard before, and now I know that sound means "I just threw up my hot dog, goldfish and chocolate milk dinner all over my bed" After cleaning him up, getting him to sleep on a fabulous puke pallet of towels, Molly woke up whimpering. Naked Bear strikes again. Molly was completely naked, soaking wet, and angry. Why, Molly, Why??? Bed strip number two of last night commenced while attempting to soothe the angry, cold baby. Why are sheets so much harder to find at 2 am?? After discovering her brother was sleeping with Mommy, Molly was not going to go back down in her crib. Now I am sleep deprived, crowded, and being kicked on both sides by babies. I take Colin back to his bed, tuck him in, and show Molly that Colin is in his room now. Then I put Molly back in her bed, and wait for her to settle down. All things considered, my children usually need about 10 hours of sleep, so that means they should be asleep until roughly noon, at least according to my 2 am math skills. SO imagine my surprise when Colin is awake at 7 am. Really guys?? Are you serious?? Now I see why sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique. Of course, if someone tried it with me, I would simply laugh in their face and say "go ahead and give it your best shot, I haven't slept in four years. you may need to try something else" Like maybe withholding my coffee...

Bath Time, mommy??

So, I just asked Colin "Do you know what Mommy needs?" His response "yes, a bath" And to think, I was just going to say I needed a big hug. Perhaps Mommy should hit the shower while Molly is sleeping...

Pink Pony Problem....

So Mike called me at work tonight to tell me that Molly pee peed on the potty twice tonight. Yay for the Molly Bear!! In this same conversation, he mentioned that she was now running around naked, and riding her new pink pony. She recently picked out a giant, stuffed, pink pony at the local Goodwill store (in case you wanted a little back ground info about the pony) I am hoping this is the last time I ever hear my daughter's name, naked, and Pink Pony all in the same sentence :)

lingerie opinions??

This morning, as I am getting dressed after my shower, Colin and Molly are both sitting on the floor watching me. Again the constant audience, which has now also become my own little peanut gallery. I was putting on a plain nude bra, and Colin speaks up. Colin "Is that your underwear mommy?" Me "yes Colin, it is my underwear." He picks up another bra off of the floor, and hands it to me. Colin "can you wear the black one mommy, it makes you look pretty" I can't believe he already has an opinion on my lingerie. He has good taste, the black one is much prettier, and does incredible things to defy gravity...

The toddler bed conversion...

Well, I put Molly down for a nap in what was left of the crib tent. She proceeded to scream her bloody lungs out, so I went in to check on her, because I know what she has done. Of course, she is naked from the waist down, attempting to break free from her cage. I pull her out, and in desperation, I stop and convert the crib to a toddler bed right then and there. I make it up with her cute little toddler bed set I have had for awhile now. I bring her in to see it, hoping she will be excited about her "new bed" I lay her down, put up a baby gate at her door, and I wait. Of course, all hopes of her loving the new bed were dashed as she knocked over the baby gate like a bull coming out of the gates at a rodeo. She walks into the living room with a satisfied smile, saying simply "no nap, mommy" I sense very little sleep in my future...yet again

Stripper Bear update

So, operation "stop stripper bear" was successful. She was dressed this morning, with her diaper intact. However, she seemed to take out her frustration on the crib tent. She managed to break the zipper. I seem to have it "repaired", but I doubt it will stay secure. I guess it is time for a toddler bed and some potty training boot camp...dear God, prayers appreciated.

Creation of the baby straight jacket...

After several nights of Molly Bear stripping in her crib, I have resorted to desperate measures. I purchased two footie sleepers on clearance, cut off the feet, and put one on her backwards. I am hoping this keeps me from having a 3AM wake up call with c/o "mommy, I cold, I wet. Help!" The girl likes to sleep naked. I guess we can renegotiate that point after potty training. Until then, I hope this works, because I am sure duct taping diapers and jammies to your child is frowned upon....

cheese dip disaster...

My poor, sweet Abby dog. Molly requested cheese dip and chips for lunch today. It actually sounded pretty good to me as well, so I heated up the dip, and I made the mistake of leaving her alone with the dip while I paid a few bills online. Abby just came around the corner, and her entire right ear and face are covered in cheese dip. I go back to the scene of the crime, aka(where Molly must be), and she is happily covered in cheese dip as well. Sadly, the cheese dip is almost all gone, and Molly seems to be in a Chip and dip coma, smiling at the wall, and licking her fingers. The dog just looks offended...Did I mention I was only gone for a few minutes??

mommy daydream....

As my youngest streaks through the house completely naked, screaming and crying about some horrible toddler injustice, and my oldest is demanding yet another Thomas Movie and to put on his Jedi Costume, my frequent daytime fantasy begins. It is nothing elaborate, nothing horribly expensive, but one day, it's going to happen. If I seemingly disappear for a few days, please don't be concerned...One night, preferably after work, when I know they are both tucked in safe and sound, and safe with their father, I am going to a hotel. Not fancy, hell, a Day's Inn will do. I am checking myself in for at least 48 hours. No cell phone, wall phone unplugged. I will lay in bed watching TV(not PBS, or Nick Jr) uninterrupted by anyone. I will order takeout of my choice, drink adult beverages, and possibly take an Ambien or some other sleep aid, and hopefully sleep for at least 12 hours. No crying, no coughing, no nebulizer treatments, no sharing my bed. No one tugging on my arm/leg. No one demanding food or juice, or a snack. For 48 hours, I want to be by myself, alone, and allowed the simple pleasures of food, TV, and sleep. In fact, I would prefer almost no human contact. Except for my food delivery people, and perhaps an hour long massage. I don't ask for much...Now, back to the naked, angry toddler, and the bored, hungry 4 y/o. Please tell me other mommies have this dream??

anatomy lesson...

Today's toddler anatomy lesson brought to you by Colin Bryan...Colin to Molly while she is sitting on the potty. "I have a rectangle pee pee, you have a butt pee pee" For this reason, I would like to apologize in advance for Colin educating anyone with the new terminology he learned this morning. I took the time to briefly explain appropriate anatomical terminology. Now I am waiting for the inevitable "I have a penis, you have a vagina" phrase...

Yearly physical :)

So, today, I had a yearly physical scheduled with my doctor, and because this is the way my life works, the two kids got to tag along with me to this appointment. I was able to keep them mildly entertained with toy trains and airplanes for a little while, but it doesn't take long in a doctor's office to need to bring out the big guns. I gave Molly my cell phone, and I handed Colin my Kindle Fire. Both children were behaving incredibly well, so much so, that I knew something was bound to happen. After the initial interview portion, in which we discussed the inevitable "so, what are we going to do about losing 20-30 pounds..." I had to get undressed for the remaining portion of the exam. This is the part when the doctor hands you two paper "modesty drapes" to cover yourself during the exam. This was the first sign of trouble brewing. Molly looks up from her game of "Birds" and shouts with glee "toilet paper!!!" She tore off a tiny piece of the modesty drape, and used it to pretend blow her nose. By this time, the doctor has returned. During the exam, Molly continued to shred this modesty drape until I was clinging to what was left of my dignity, and a tiny scrap of paper that could only be referred to as a "modesty loin cloth" Even the doctor was laughing as she snatched the last little shred of paper away off of my lap with a tiny little baby war cry of triumph. The good news, I am an L&D nurse, I have very little modesty left...Thank God :)

   Today is my first actual attempt at a blog post.  I have no idea what I am getting myself into, but perhaps it will become an outlet for me, as well as record the hilarious stories of my children's daily adventures.  Previous to this blog being created, I was simply using my Facebook page to post my stories.  I will do my best to transfer some of those posts, and create an archive of stories.  The stories frequently build off of each other.  One thing that you will quickly discover is that my daughter is my "wild child."  She is the very reason I may eventually need a 12 step program.  She has an incredible smile, very busy, but has developed a love for stripping.  The girl loves to be naked, and this of course leads to some humorous situations.
   Today was one of those days.  We had a fabulous play date at the zoo with our friends, and while I was hopeful she would fall asleep on the way home, I realized quickly that it simply wasn't going to happen.  Colin stopped napping at the ripe old age of 3, and Molly is following in those footsteps.  I am mourning the loss of that brief 1-2 hours of the day in which I am only responsible for one of the children.  Oh well, I should have known it was coming.  I mean, the girl is like the Energizer bunny.  Which is why coffee has become so important to me.  I didn't drink coffee, outside of the occasional girly drink in the mall.  Now it is a daily addiction, a ritual, sometimes morning and afternoon ritual....Anyway, back to the crazy, naked toddler.
     Colin and Daddy have been taking an evening run, and this leaves me with the now slap happy, overly exhausted(due to the lack of napping) Molly.  Trying to get this girl to do anything now that her favorite word is "no" is almost impossible.  I went into the kitchen to get her "chocwat mik" that she had requested, and I returned to find her standing in the middle of our king sized bed, removing her clothes, and singing "Happy Birthday."  I promise you, after taking a minute to just take in the whole situation, I started laughing.  I know, I know, it is the last thing I should have done.  It just reinforces the behavior.  But seriously???  Does God just have that much of a sense of humor?  It could have only been funnier if I taught her to sing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President"  Does this stuff happen to other moms?  Where did she come up with this? Because I promise, she has never seen this done in our house.  Kids are just naturally funny.  I am sure it is simply that she only knows a couple of songs, and that she likes to take her clothes off, but I promise you, I am starting to worry about her teen years already.