The Bryan Kids 2014

The Bryan Kids 2014

Friday, February 24, 2012

a new Olympic event???

   I would like to propose a new Olympic event.  Dressing a two year old that does NOT want to be dressed.  Lets face it, I am far from an athlete.  I would love to say otherwise, but if you see me running, you might want to pick up the pace as well.  It means there are probably men with guns or large dogs chasing me.  But frequently I realize the actual physical effort that is involved in parenting.  Keeping up with these little people is a lot of work, not to mention the extra effort that is involved in the simple things.  You see, since my daughter has been able to roll over, changing a simple diaper became a WWF session at best.  Rolling over, tackling, wrestling, grabbing at the contents of the dirty diaper, whatever she could do to make the process more challenging for me, and more fun for her.  And now, getting dressed.  She likes being naked, but social protocol requires my almost three year old to be dressed.  Go figure.  Molly is not on board with this plan.  She is an incredibly happy child.  She loves to smile, loves life, and loves food.  My friends frequently say "she is always smiling."  What they don't realize is what she becomes when she is not happy.  The, and drama begins.  Molly is fabulous in the mornings, if she wakes up on her own, but like her mother, a wake up call is enough to send her over the edge.  This morning, she was sound asleep.  I start by turning the light on, and picking out her clothes while she is still sleeping.  Her brother is almost always already awake, watching NickJr, and drinking his chocolate milk like it was his morning coffee.  He has never been talkative in the mornings, but most days I can redirect his potential tantrums pretty quickly.  He is the easy one to get ready for school.  Molly is another story.  First, it is the diaper/pull up debate.  Due to potty training, she can go without anything on here at the house, but I have to put something on her for school.  Let the wrestling match begin...Trying to get the "baby straight jacket"(footie sleeper that has been rigged to be worn backwards so that she can't unzip it) and her diaper changed frequently requires a "time out", a naked sprint session, and finally an NFL tackle in the hallway.  Next comes putting the new diaper or pull up on.  She has this new move that I hope she continues into her teen years.  She can lock her legs and knees together so that it is almost impossible to get said diaper on or off.  This is of course after she has made a break for the door, and you have chased the half dressed child down the hall.  Now come the clothing negotiations.  Prior to last few weeks, she has had very little to say about what she wears.  Now she has an opinion on everything, and we rarely agree.  Don't get me wrong, I pick my battles, but some things are simply a "no go." Shoes are her favorite, and she loves to pick out shoes.  I rarely fight about those unless totally necessary.  Next comes the hair.  Every day I have to wet my sweet daughter's baby fine, curly hair down with leave in conditioner, before I can even try to brush it.  Why I bother, I am not sure.  Within minutes of fixing her hair, it is a fluffy mess all over again.  I apologize to her daily for this hair.  Sadly she was cursed with my hair.  When she is finally dressed.  I give her a sippy cup of milk, some breakfast, and finish getting ready myself.  About 50% of the time, when I return, I find her naked again.  After a few expletives under my breath, I redress the smiling child.  Finally, we all start towards the car for school.
   Yes I am almost always late. In fact, I have decided that no matter what time I get up, I will always be a little late.  I was a little late before children, but now I consider it a good day if the preschool is still doing carpool when we arrive.  I strive to do better, but toddlers can smell fear.  As I start to get agitated, and try harder to get out the door, they can sense the moment of weakness, and throw some new curveball in my direction.  My close friends know to just tell me to be some where 30 minutes before they actually need me.
    Going back to my lack of athleticism.  I have decided to join a gym...again.  I am way past the point of being able to call this "baby weight.  It is now "I emotionally eat to cope with dealing with my small children" weight.  With my family's cardiac history, my chronic hypertension, and high cholesterol, it is time to start getting serious.  I am a smart person.  It is a simple equation in the end.  Eat less/ exercise more.  I know what I need to do, it is just making myself do it.  I may join weight watchers again as well.  I haven't decided about that yet.  The meetings have helped in the past.  It often felt like an AA meeting, but really, addictions are very similar.  I need to lose about 30 lbs to make my doctor happy, and about 20 lbs before I will stop avoiding mirrors.  I am sure there will be posts along the way.  Any encouragement will be appreciated.  Advice is always accepted.  You see, I never really lose weight, I just misplace it. I need to stop the yo yo dieting, and change my life.  I want to be here when my kids have kids.  I don't want to miss a moment due to poor decisions.  I hate exercise and I hate dieting almost as much, so here goes nothing.  I will keep you posted on my progress, and maybe this will help hold me accountable.


  1. Ok, so - this reminds me of a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless for obvious reasons.)

    His son was giving hell about getting dressed. He did NOT want to get dressed. So dad steps in before Mom blows her top and says "I'll handle this." She is clearly relieved and walks away.

    Dad: "Son, you don't want to get dressed?"
    Son: "NO!"
    Dad: "Ok, then lets go!"
    Mom: *Stares at Dad*
    Dad: ~whispering "I can handle it. Go grab his clothes and put them in your purse."
    Mom: *Stares at Dad*

    So the whole family, 3 boys+Mom+Dad, head to their minivan. O, by the way, its 30 degrees outside.

    Youngest boy -the naked one- hopes happily into his car seat. Dad buckles him in, carefully avoiding his privates.

    Dad starts up car. Leaves heater off. Rolls windows down.

    Fast forward 10 minutes.

    Dad: "Hey Son?"
    Son: *blue lips and shivering* "Sir?"
    Dad: "Are you ready to get dressed?"
    Son: "YEP!!"

    Needless to say, he never fought getting dressed again.

    1. duly noted :)I will keep that in the vault for future reference. Too bad winter is almost over