The Bryan Kids 2014

The Bryan Kids 2014

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Bad body day

   Today, I am sick of my body.  I hate the way I look.  I hate the fact that I have gained all of the weight back that I lost on Weight Watchers, plus two pounds.  In fact, as I stood on the scale for the last two days, those two pounds are giving me the proverbial finger.  I am frustrated, discouraged, and yet, what do I do?  I want to eat.  I am an emotional eater.  I eat sometimes just to make myself feel better, but right now, that is an incredibly self defeating behavior.  This morning, I asked my sweet husband to go for a walk/run with me.  I planned on trying to run for part of the walk, and he was ready to be very patient with me.  As I attempted the first jog of this exercise, my calf muscle cramped up immediately.  I was angry at myself for being so out of shape.  I got mad about everything.  About my weight, well and anything else I could think of.  I took it out on Mike, and I feel bad.  I still want to cry.  I hate this self loathing I feel when I see myself, but for some reason, I can't seem to get it right.  I resent the fact that I have now entered a phase of life where weight is SO much easier to put on, than to take off.  In fact, I am pretty angry, depressed, and unhappy.  As I walked listening to my smart phone spout off my speed, distance, and the number of calories I had burned, I wanted to scream in frustration, because all I could hear was "you haven't even burned off the creamer from your morning coffee, let alone anything extra."  Weight loss...a daily struggle.  I am hoping tomorrow will be better.  I am hoping for some peace with where I am in my fitness struggle, and the strength to push past this horrible feeling of hopelessness, and on to better well being and health for myself and my family.  Prayers and support appreciated...


  1. Everyone has those days; even people who appear "skinny" to everyone else!

    You recognize that you are an emotional eater, and that's very important.

    My husband lost (and has kept off) a lot of weight by using LiveStrong. It tracks your calories, sugar, fat, etc... and calories burned, etc. He tracked EVERYthing... He counted his chips, used a scale and weighed his portions. He recorded the number of minutes he walked, including 'standing' time at work.

    Start small. It gets better!

  2. I know proper weight and good health is important. But people don't marry bodies, don't love bodies, aren't continually interested in bodies (past adolescence, anyway). Folks love, marry, and remain interested in other people, because they are fascinating. Yes, physical health is important (thought fretting over it to the point of bad mental health isn't very wise...). But physical fitness simply isn't the end-all and be-all of life. You're bright, funny as all get out, and very interesting -- seems to me that should count for something!

  3. I am going through the same thing! I had lost quite a bit of weight and was just starting to look great and then...BAMM! I gained it all back:(

    I had stopped exercising and then gradually eating more sweets and not logging what I eat.

    Getting back up on my feet though. Good luck, I know how you feel!

    1. Hey,
      I am just learning about all of this blog etiquette, etc...Thank you so much for the encouraging words. Always nice to know you are not struggling alone. Just saw you got sponsored by The Bloggess. Welcome to the big time. I hope I can get there one day :) I am having a blast with the blog, and I had no idea how much I enjoyed writing. Thanks for taking the time to click on my link

  4. No worries Derek. Just a bad day, and I just wanted to verbalize what I was feeling right at that moment. I have good days and bad days. I think we all have days where we feel like that, and I just wanted people to know, that other people have days like that as well. On a completely different note, I think I have finally reached the "I am ready to do something about this" point. It is easy to complain and whine about your weight, and keep doing the negative behaviors. I am hoping I have reached a place where I am so unhappy with my body, that I might actually put the cookie down, and back away slowly. Not just to fit in my pants again, but maybe to lower my cholesterol and blood pressure as well.

  5. Just remember that there are some of us who struggle with our weight everyday, and do not even have childbirth as a reason. You can do it! Love you, girl :)